"More and more I see that grad school is a continual state of being humbled." (Sunday night)
I was frustrated with a homework assignment not going well and stressed with finals looming. I've been learning that when I trust God, things worked out great! (Amen!). But yet again, things were not going great. I had spent all weekend trying to finish this homework assignment and had made no progress. I finally let go of my pride and sought the help of someone else in the class. That was incredibly helpful and at least got me to the place of being able to write stuff down. At the same time, it was very humbling to need to ask for help, to admit that I alone cannot survive.
These two incidents, with God at work, prepared me for what I encountered yesterday as I drove into the Safeway parking lot in Watsonville. On the corner, I saw a woman holding a sign that looked something like this:
I'm already familiar with seeing people looking for money (especially now that I'm in SC!), but the hungry part caught my attention. What can I say, I really like food. I kept thinking about the woman as I went in Safeway, and then it popped into my head: I could get her a Cliff bar! Those things are cheap and practically a meal by themselves with how filling and protein-packed they are! It seemed like something I would really appreciate getting if I was hungry. Certainly better than ice cream, which would be amazing at first and then either make me sick or melt. And I knew I'd be happy to keep the Cliff bars if it didn't work out.
I finished my shopping, but I still hadn't found the Cliff bars... I walked back and forth over the length of the store without seeing them. Along the way, another idea popped into my head: a Naked fruit smoothie! Those are so delicious and healthy, and especially good if your mouth is dry, perhaps from a Cliff bar. I found the smoothies, even found a non-brand name one that was cheaper and had 30g of protein, and thus also finally found the Cliff bars.
I drove out the same entrance I came in, but the woman was gone! I was a bit bewildered and disappointed, but I kept looking for her as I drove out. Sure enough, she was at the next driveway down. Unfortunately I didn't see her in time, and had cars behind me with nowhere to pull over. But I was too invested by this point to give up that easily... I turned into the back of the shopping center, and looped around the shopping center to come out the correct driveway.
Rolling down my window, I asked, "Would you like... I have Cliff bars and juice...?" She answered "Oh, sure!" and accepted the bag, which I later realized made it impossible for her to know what exactly I was handing her. But she still told me "Thank you. Have a wonderful day!" I replied the same to her and "God bless you!" It feels so cliche but yet important to mention.
As I went on my way, I first felt a wave of giddiness... Success! Oh, happiness!
Closely following that was a much quieter emotion. The woman had looked like a typical homeless person, until I got close. When I looked past her worn face, I saw life in her eyes. Her voice wasn't rough, but warm, like any one of my friend's voice.
I am not so different from her. Sure, I have much better circumstances: an amazing family, great friends, and the opportunity to get an education. But change a few things around, and that could be me.
I've been left hungry for understanding. It's not fun to have to ask for help.
Maybe realizing the similarities I have with others is the first step towards community. Rather than feeling as though I've earned the position I'm in.
I've heard that rich people don't (proportionally) give away as much as poorer people. Because the rich identify less with the poor.
May I always be poor in spirit.
