Rhythm Restoration & Fighting for Good

I think I have finally recuperated from the Peru trip (which was at the end of March).  After the trip, I found myself inexplicably dependent on "snooze" to be able to wake up... It used to be that I always just woke up and was awake once my alarm went off, and I always wondered why people would even use the snooze button: why wake up any earlier than you need to?  But for the first time, I couldn't wake myself up without it after Peru.  I think I was just worn out, and it was perpetuated by the intense amount of traveling and other activities that I did on returning to the US. 

This morning, however, for the second day in a row, I was able to wake up without using the snooze button.  It felt great.  Due in part to waking up so easily, I was able to plan out my morning better.  I took time to get dressed, make a lunch and be ready for school before eating breakfast, which then left me extra free time without stress.  I had fallen into the bad habit of eating breakfast and relaxing right away because I was always so exhausted and half asleep in the morning that I thought food was the only way to get my body moving.  It was so nice to have a comfortable rhythm of life again.

And then, as I was getting my bike out to ride to class, I managed to lock myself out of my apartment.  With my backpack still inside the apartment.  My backpack that had my class notes, my writing implements, the handouts for a presentation I was supposed to give today, my carefully packed lunch, my wallet, my key to the lab, my key to my locker, my car key, and last but certainly not least, my key to the apartment itself.  Yup, I'm pretty talented.

I had my cell phone, my bike, and the clothes on my back.

The manager wasn't around to let me in, so I hopped on my bike and rode to class, preparing my excuse for not having the handouts and wondering who I could get some paper and a pen from.  I was also a bit frustrated with the situation and how it limited me... I suddenly was unprepared for class and unable to eat or buy lunch, among other things.  But I also realized that this frustration was probably Satan trying to mess with my awesome good mood.  Realizing that helped me to look at the situation and say:

"No, I'm not going to settle for losing my good mood to this frustration.  I'm not going to let Satan win like that."

So I didn't.  I looked for the good in the situation and realized that I didn't need my stuff as much as I thought I did.  And God was totally faithful.  We didn't end up presenting in my first class, nor even taking notes or getting new handouts. I found a pen on the band room floor and got some paper from the physics lounge to take notes in my other class.  I even enjoyed the simplicity of not having a ton of stuff. . .I didn't have to lug a giant backpack around nor make sure I had everything. . .it was all on me.  This afternoon, I made the short ride to where my roommate works to get her key, and then I was home again.  With my lunch.  And good weather, and a nice balcony to picnic on.  Life is good.  More importantly, God is good.  And I'm grateful that He won the victory today.  He loves me :-)

"Come, let us worship our social persona....?"

http://soundings.gospelmind.org/first-things-first

This is something I need to be more deliberate about, seeking God before FB... yikes.

Breakfast time!

Even now, whenever I type "breakfast time," my mind immediately jumps back to the high school houseboat trips, where one enthusiastic young guy leader would wake us all up by yelling "BREAKFAAAST TIIIIIME!!!" while ringing the bell as loudly as possible.  If one of the houseboats wasn't rousing, he'd run over, open the door, and yell it directly into the sleeping cabin.  Good memories.  But I digress.

 This morning, I had a delicious yet simple breakfast:

It took a bit more mental energy to think of something beyond just a bowl with cereal, and a bit of extra time to cut the banana and pour a glass of water.  But the breakfast was delightful.  I enjoyed every bite.  I think taking joy in the little, simple things helps me to appreciate God more.  Maybe because I'm actually living in the moment instead of rushing through everything.  

I also changed up my routine by not eating breakfast in front of my computer where I usually sit, addicted to Facebook.  Instead, I decided to try a more serene approach.  And why use a table when you could have a view like this?

I will miss this view...

I hope this appreciation for simplicity is something I can take with me to Santa Cruz.  At least I already know for sure that they appreciate nature!

Thirty-Two

The inspiration for this post came from a week ago and it's really long, but it's important so I still want to share it.

"Remembering the Victories" (click to listen) was the sermon we heard––describing why we need to set reminders of the ways we've seen God triumph in our lives.  I was blessed to be able to go to lunch afterward with two friends, Stephanie and Laura.  Over delicious burritos, we shared the ways we had seen God meet us and create a victory.

My story was about the ridiculously hard Physics GRE.  I didn't prepare enough for the test, and I realized it too late, the week of the test.  (Part of this realization was helped when the physics professor helping us study for the tests responded to my score on the practice test with, "Yeah, that's not a good score. Study more.").  Needless to say, I was freaking out.  I knew I couldn't study enough to be ready, and yet this was perhaps the most important aspect of my application to physics graduate programs.  I knew I just needed to trust God more and give it over, but I couldn't figure out how.  

The dreaded morning of the test came, and I asked a bunch of people to pray.  I also did my best to pray for myself.  When I got to the test, I was so peaceful.  I knew there was no way it was coming from within myself; I had already seen the chaos I produce.  But instead of being stressed out, I felt relaxed, at ease, and even confident.  I knew as I was taking the test that it was the best I had done. Praise God for meeting me in the struggle and carrying me even when I stubbornly clung to my fears.

Victory #1.

Then the scores came out:

I already knew that I had done well on the general GRE, but the Physics GRE is much more important, unfortunately:

There's a bunch of numbers there, but in short, my score was a 32%.  It means that I scored in the bottom third of the people who took the test.  To give you a better frame of reference, the one school that waitlisted me ended up with an average GRE score in the 63 percentile.  Once again, I freaked out.  Low GRE score + more applicants due to economy seemed to equate to me not being in grad school.  Except that I didn't really have a Plan B... grad school has been my plan throughout college.  This time really helped to stretch me and to try to look to God for my identity rather than academic success.

But then, miraculously, two schools accepted me.  One, called Case Western, is in Ohio, where I had an internship two summers ago and had connections, which probably allowed them to overlook my score (the floor for admission on the GRE is normally 50%).  The other school, UCSC, barely accepted me.  I found out that the concentration I applied under (experimental condensed matter) rejected my application.  And that was nearly the final call.  But another professor has a large applied physics group, and my application caught her eye.  She tends to discredit the GRE scores, except as correlated

to qualifying exams scores.  And something in my application stood out to her, so she let me in.  I credit that as major Victory #2 for God: I didn't qualify for either school but He got me in!

After I finished my long story, Stephanie suggested I use 32 to remind me of God's victory.  The idea took me aback; this would be the equivalent of celebrating an F.  And broadcasting for everyone to see how poorly I did.  But that's the whole point... it would be literally boasting in my weakness.  I love 2 Cor 12:9, but I usually leave out that part of the verse:

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

Christ's power sounds pretty good, so I guess it's time to swallow my pride and look for ways to boast about this... I guess I have a new favorite number!