Life Stinks – By Nicole

Howdy ya’ll. Guest writer today, I suppose you could say I’ve taken Leila and her blog hostage. But it’s with her best intentions at heart, I swear. On a recent visit I got to participate in a “day in the lab” under the pretense of “a day in the life of a grad student.” Let me be perfectly clear: it’s horrendous. Why did I commandeer her blog, to do what she can’t, verbalize the warm noisy Hades that has become her life.

All photos by Nicole, of course

The first think you’ve got to know is everything is MacGyvered. Apparently it’s amazing they even get results, and when you look at the tin foil surrounding everything you understand why. Sorry, “aluminum for insulation.” It looks like tinfoil. (Sadly, they haven’t quite mastered the aggie art of “duct tape” to solve all their woes). I must admit, I am impressed that they keep finding ways to make it work, even if it has issues half the time.

Of course if everything had been running smoothly, I wouldn’t have gotten a real glimpse of lab insanity.  True to form, the machine, which had like three things fixed the day before, still needed the almighty solution, power cycle. Thankfully after a moment of foolishly searching for something labeled OFF Leila gave up and just shut off the whole power strip. “Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles” it WORKED!!!

I’d like to pause and put in a disclaimer: In case you haven’t figured out, I don’t understand all the details of what she was doing. She explained in very nice Prof tones, and I tried to follow, but when things get beyond 2+2 I have a way of tuning out. So if you want the actual, sciency details of what Leila’s doing, which’ll probably have you sleeping and drooling within 5 min, you’ll have to ask her.

Here’s how I understand it, you’ve got a square piece of quartz that you’re putting tiny layers of stuff on, like putting fudge frosting on top of mint frosting on brownies. That’s not quite right, maybe more like layers of paint, trying to create a new color? Only I think the first 1 to touch is the strongest? I don’t know, suffice to say, its weird, has tiny layers and if you could see it would ultimately be like a layer cake or something. 

Back to my story; once the beast is running again comes second half of the 1 hour of “fun” or at least the interesting bit. You have to mix some chemical that’s apparently dangerous, so you have to be careful and use only a little bit, otherwise you could die. Like I said the cool part. Sadly, although Leila wore gloves and had a protective glass in front of her, it looked more like someone measuring out Aunt Tilly’s lunchtime medicine at the Nursing Home than anything else. (I do not have an Aunt Tilly. Please know this is a fictitious character not based on anyone specific).

The cleaning and tightening of the chamber for the dangerous substance was kinda cool too. (Small bits of metal can be heavy, who knew?) And then that’s it. You run the “program” to vacuum out the chamber a million times, make sure there’s no life damaging leakage, watch the first minute or 5 of the program and then you sit. Babysitting a stupid machine that makes twice as much noise as a host of bratty, angry two year olds on an airplane.

I’m not kidding, the noise is ridiculous. It makes it so you can’t even think. (Which is not conducive to getting school work done or technical science papers written). When she flipped the blessed switch off in the morning, I didn’t realize what a blessing from heaven that was. 7 hours and a blistering headache later I DID!!!  Do you know how utterly boring it is to sit in a room, not being able to really go anywhere, with tremendous racket for 7 hours with nothing pressing to do? It’s miserable. Its torture, it’s like living murder. Frankly I don’t know how anyone does it.

The title of this blog is “God Loves Leila”. How does this fit that description? First off, it’s definitely teaching her patience, while also forcing her to do things she probably never would have done. (I’m referencing the constant fixing of the machine. Now if only that could translate into practical everyday stuff…Ah drat, I’m teasing Leila. Look, here’s a Kleenex. You can move enough to reach your eye. Oh, that’s your contact, ok, I’ll let you go in a sec).

Now to the real “love of God”, He sent a role model in the form of an angel (that’s me you cynics) to verbalize how truly miserable her lab existence is, that her school life stinks, and it’s ok to feel that way sometimes. What can I say, I’m a Godsend.

Anyway, that’s a glimpse of Leila’s life. If you wanna pray for her, apparently the future research for the remainder of her grad school time’s kinda up in the air. So I know wisdom and guidance will be needed for that. Also, if you have any brilliant ideas of how she can survive the lab, while still maintaining concentration you should shoot those her way.

Ok, ok, I’ll stop holding you hostage. If you’ll excuse me folks, I think it’s about time for me to dash out and make a fast getaway. See ya, when I see ya.

-Nicole Out!